"Auburn students were white and rich. One of the first sights I saw was a blonde sweeping past in a replica Duesenberg that must have cost her daddy $25,000. It was obviously a high-school graduation present. If I could have run fast enough to keep up, I would happily have urinated all down the side of it."

"The old people were noisy and excited, like school children, and pushed in front of me at the ticket booth, little realizing that I wouldn't hesitate to give an old person a shove, especially a Baptist. Why is it, I wondered, that old people are always so self-centered and excitable? But I just smiled benignly and stood back, comforted by the thought that soon they would be dead."

"Towards the end of the street stood a big new Hyatt Regency hotel, an instantly depressing sight. Massive and made of shaped concrete, it was from the Fuck You school of architecture so favored by the big American hotel chains."

"I drove ten miles out of my way in order to spend the night in Bryson City, a modest self-indulgence."

--Excerpts from "The Lost Continent" by Bill Bryson.

I would love to write like this guy. He is simply hilarious and everyone should go buy one of his books right now...or within the next twenty minutes.

**EDIT**

"I had a niece at a small, exclusive college in Sante Fe whom I hadn't seen for a long time and I was sure she would be delighted for all her friends on campus to witness a slobby, overweight man pull up in a cheap, dusty car, leap out and embrace her, so I decided to drive straight there."
-Bill Bryson